The Perfect Storm

Inspired by writingfortheloveofit – Perfect Storm which can be found here.

“Have you ever thought about your life as the perfect storm? Let’s think about it for a moment.

A “perfect storm” describes an event where a rare combination of circumstances aggravate a situation drastically. (Wikipedia)

Has there ever been a time or times in your life where you have thought that nothing else could possibly go wrong and then something else did? Have you wondered and/or had regrets about the choices you have made? Have you ever wished that you had tried a little harder, done something else that may have made things somehow different than they are right now?

The ‘perfect storm’ is a bit of an oxymoron if you think about it and consider its true definition. There is nothing perfect about a storm which creates a calamitous situation, other than that the storm is the perfection of the elements which came together to create it.“

I’ve been thinking this analogy for a while now. Probably somewhere in 2017, when I wondered why on earth things would go so wrong after going right for a while. Was this to be how my IBD was now going to be? A permanent rollercoaster of ups and downs?

It’s hard to not think about the trajectory your disease is going to take, especially when you have been dealt low blows after low blows. You even spend time worrying about returning to the dips of the rollercoaster, when you are on a nice plateau.

All these ups and downs can pull focus away from acceptance of what is truly going on because just as you get there, something else happens. I felt this way after my first surgery, then low and behold, another one came around.

I guess in some ways, the path your disease takes isn’t one you can control, but only be mindful and understanding of. I used to be fearful of looking into the ‘worst-case scenario’ and all the ‘possible complications ‘ that could come with a new treatment, a new surgery, a new regime. But now, I sort of want to look – I want a small sneak peek into what might happen; because let’s face it: I have terrible luck.

Despite this terrible luck, the perfect storm has yet to break me completely.

I’ve risen higher than I thought possible.

I’ve drawn strength from the shitty circumstances my disease has forced me into.

And now, as I look down to the final weeks before another major operation; I am sitting here contemplating this own mini perfect storm.

If it wasn’t for me ‘complaining’ about my obstructions and distended abdomen, I wouldn’t have had that CT scan. Without that scan, I would be still unaware of the hernia. I would still be unsure of the cause of my agony. To put a name to what I was dealing with; a very important part of disease management – knowing the ‘enemy’.

And while I am sometimes sceptical about using ‘perfect storm’ as an analogy – perfect is not a word that should be used in chronic illness, in my opinion – it does have it’s merits.

In some ways, how we have gotten to here – this moment, right here, right now – is almost perfect. We can’t – and more importantly, don’t get to – have a do-over in life. The same goes for illness. Things happen, and you have to deal with them. If you can lessen the blow – this comes from a combination of experience and good management – then that’s great! But somehow, how it all happens – in the large sense of the meaning – isn’t up to us. It is our disease. And while we wait for science and research to find out more about how to map and predict how IBD works and behaves, this is where we are.

Not in a perfect storm, but in a storm.

Do you have any questions or queries? Or just want to share your own experiences?

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If you enjoyed this post check out Does Experience Make you Wise? , Grieving: Those Waves Don’t Stop and Six Years On – Diagnosis