thecrohnsfairy said this exact phrase to me, when I was contemplating my ‘acceptance’ of my own Crohn’s disease. She said that she rarely used it in the negative sense – ‘I can’t do… because of Crohn’s’ – instead using Crohn’s to give her the encouragement to do things, make plans, live.
I don’t mean to dwell on things – and this might just because of the day I’ve had – but everyone else has lived with this for a lot longer than I have. And I am in way and by no means having a rant or a go at any one in my IBD Twitter family, but I feel like I have alot of ground to make up. That as much as it all feels so sudden to me, I must get used to it, NOW, RIGHT NOW!
I put far too much pressure on myself to be okay with everything. I don’t want to feel down about my situation, but sometimes, it just hits me at full force – it is NOT going away, I HAVE to deal with it and I HAVE to live with it for the rest of my years. That is going to be ALOT of years. Its abit.. overwhelming. There is not enough free time in my life nowadays to contemplate it; maybe this is a good thing! A grand positive aspect of my bubbly, hyper, happy lifestyle, no time to wonder about my fate.
It feels as if it has all been thrust upon me suddenly and without warning, not giving a chance to catch my breathe. It feels incredibly huge. And trying to get my head around the fact that Crohn’s is a positive force in my life is going to take alot more than just 9 sessions..