How did October go?
Whilst I felt generally well during the month, I also felt very unwell. Not unwell enough to really see my IBD team but enough for it to interfere with working and life. I spent a few days of each week off from work and spent it in bed. Yes, actually resting and sleeping! I know, unheard of for me, right?
Being off work adds to my MH issues too which hasn’t been very good at the moment either. I’ve found no energy to write and the isolation sets in hard. It’s a vicious cycle which is hard to break and it’s meant I’ve been spending my down time, either alone – with my thoughts, my feelings, my negativity not positivity – or with my partner. And whilst, he is a good person to sound of too, I don’t want to keep doing that.
I struggled in September to accept my MH was a problem but I had to face it in October. I self referred to CBT again and saw my GP about my antidepressants. Whilst I try and fight my mind, I appreciate having a healthy body.
However, knowing my mind is now sick too, it’s another invisible tally to my illnesses. I admit honestly and openly that accepting my IBD, my stoma and now this MH problem is hard and it is not linear. But I am still so hard on myself to being good every day, when I am not, I spiral. I need to work on that. A long term goal, right there.
The move had been a big positive for me this month. Whilst it’s been a huge change, it’s been a welcome change. One that has been easy and comforting. Hoping that I’ll find some time and breathing space to write about it soon.
As we near the end of the year – penultimate month of the year! – I am looking forward to the start of a new year. I have many cycles of ‘new start, new me’ but NY was never really one of them. I always got caught up with never really putting that pressure on myself to focus on January to December as a cycle, because illness took away from that. But I would like to spend this month pushing myself to have some goals ticked off to finish 2018 with – even if they are small ones – and to look into what my ambitions for 2018 are.
So what else have I got planned?
- Start Couch to 5K
- Make plans for next year and create an action plan
- Find peace with my mind
- Love my skin more. Find glory in my shape.
- Complete unpacking
- Backdate my blog posts to my FB page
- Share more of my daily thoughts on Twitter
Do you find goal setting useful? What do you want to achieve in November?