How did January go?
January was a tad more unpredictable than I had anticipated.
Whilst my health was still being managed, I found that the pain I was in was overwhelming too much of my other aspects of my life – my house, my relationship, my hobbies, my friendships, my work. So, I took some time to focus on me.
The focus however, has been around planning ahead for some big health changes. So despite all my good intentions to keep my health on an even keel, it became number one priority.
Let me stress here that I know my health should and always be an number one priority. But some days, I could with a little break you know? Just to forget about it for a while. I was doing this at work, really well, but my pain was just too much. I could hardly focus and concentrate on what I was doing and I felt that chronic illness guilt. That is another post, a theme if you will, for another time.
So, we have booked in a few things this month for ongoing control of my body.
I have a Liver Biopsy booked in. This is in Mid-February.
I have signed the consent for my Protectomy – read more about that here – and am now just waiting for my Pre-Op date so I have a better idea of the time frame we are dealing with. Surgeon estimated that wait time for him is about 6-8 weeks at the moment, so about March time.
I have finally completed my CBT Triage assessment and my first appointment is in Mid-February too.
I have had my Pain Clinic referral come in, Mid-April for the first available appointment.
I have also enquired about my PCOS and treatment for my Hirtuism for which my GP has referred me to an Endocrinologist for their expertise.
I have to say, I am impressed with how I am able to see who I need to when I need to. There is no blocking, no delays (except wait times, which is to be expected as per the course) and there is no dismissing of my want to see someone for some help. Not that I didn’t have the same access back in the Midlands but it always seemed as if I was just in the group of ‘wait and see’ until it was just bit too late in the day and we had to rush things through. But ho hum, we live and learn.
My point is, despite all the good of January, I’ve found it extremely difficult.
I’ve found my low mood and depression being heightened by my increased anxiety over all the new things going on. I have yet to look into detail about my biopsy and surgery because I am trying to not think about it too much. I am trying to separate my mind away from all the fears I might have. I am telling myself it will be just like the other procedures, like the other surgeries and I shouldn’t worry. But, telling someone who is anxious not to worry is like telling someone to not breathe: it’s hard to break the cycle. So that is my one goal for February; to make it through without being overly anxious.
I am working on journalling every day too to help with my mental health. Getting things out of my head so that is clearer at thinking and making decisions, choices and being an adult, I think will help. I am using an App for my MacBook and so far I am liking it. I hope that by the end of this month I can say more positive things on top of ‘liking it‘.
So what else have I got planned?
- Understanding my Health Anxiety
- Journal every day.
- Continue to keep my balance.
- Keep to my planned writing schedules.
- Get through my Biopsy with poise.
- Continue my consistence with my work, not necessarily my attendance.
- Set up and start using my Blogging Bullet Journal.
Do you find goal setting useful? What do you want to achieve in February?