Life Lately | The Revolving Door of Feelings

“It’s a shame. It’s awful being a grown up. But the carousel never stops turning. You can’t get off.” Hands up, who else feels like this?     I definitely feel this a lot of late. I thought it was just a chronic illness problem; that my life was beginning to be more and more dictated by my illness more than the other way around. With chronic illness, you feel like a juggler – always keeping things up in the air, combining all your skills to keep things going, on and on. Or like a plate spinner – keeping those…

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Just… *exhales and sighs*

I feel rotten today. I spent Tuesday afternoon onwards at my boyfriends house. I don’t spend alot of time there because of recent problems I’ve had with my Crohn’s, its easier to be at home. But we had a night and a day off together so decided to spend it together. And even though we have been together for almost 4 years now, I still don’t feel comfortable enough to just get up and walk to the loo and be gone, for sometimes ages; whenever he lives. Even when my Crohn’s is going through a good patch; which now definitely…

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Hello 2016..?

I started 2016 in pain, surprise surprise! I slept through all the new year celebrations, awaking groggily in the morning, trying to find some strength. Why would I need to find strength knowing it was a Bank Holiday weekend, I hear you ask? Well, I’d received a letter the day before; a consultation with a new doctor at my hospital, a surgeon I found out once I’d Googled him (something I don’t like doing but curiosity was killing me) and I was going into over drive as to why and boggled by the short notice. Was something wrong? Was I…

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World IBD Day

As this ordinary Monday comes to a close to many, I sit here going into the final few GMT hours of World IBD 2014 with some unrest. Should I show them? No one has seen these before, I’ve not allowed myself to bear these photos to other humans, not even other IBDers.. what am I scared of? What am I afraid of, apprehensive about? Why not be brave and share you, Louise? Yes, I even full first named myself, that’s how much of an indecision this is. But, I want to show people what IBD can do to you, of…

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Professional ‘help’; here we go again

… I sat there, in the unused doctors room, filling in paperwork with a counsellor. I pause before all the sentences, wondering where my stupid emotions fall on the scale of 0 to 5. I think about how bad I feel about who I am, how I behave and wonder if I will ever stop thinking and feeling so utterly negatively about myself. I think about how most of these thoughts have been since I got my crohnie butt out of hospital two years ago and went back into “life”. I think about how unfair this is all has been and how bleak…

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