I was sat watching Grey’s Anatomy yesterday afternoon, when I heard this phrase “I’ve had plenty of yesterdays, not many more tomorrows left.”
This was from a patient who was in the winter of his life. He continued, “You’ll wake up one day and all the big things in life, graduations, weddings, kids, grand kids; are all behind you.”
I can emphasise. I feel this every year when it gets to July and I realise that I’ve been graduated one more year than the last, every September when all the Freshers are out in force, reminding me that another year has gone by. But now, September holds a new memory. One year of being a Crohnie. A year ago I was sick. And every day since then, I’ve gotten stronger – albeit sometimes, sicker and weaker – and more determined and definitely more informed.
Every single day that becomes a yesterday brings me further and further away from the days of sickness and pain. Every tomorrow is one more day of remission and living healthy with Crohn’s Disease. Way back in the beginning, when the doctors and nurses filled me with dread over where my life could go; the worst possible scenario at the time, I was terribly unsure of whether or not remission could ever be achieved. I am so proud to say that my life picked up last December when the lovely Humira came in and saved the day, so to speak, for me. I am thankful, I might not be able to show it or indeed express it very well these days – alot of time has passed and my annoyances with its administration and side effects are hard to ignore completely – but I am extremely fortunate to have found my cure to Crohn’s, at least for the foreseeable future.
Of course, like most of us, I remember the dark dates of my Crohn’s. But I am determined to be reminded of them for only growing purposes. For example, I remember sit on the sofa, exactly a year ago, frustrated over my failure to take pills. I remember how hard it was and how much I was dreading a life of constantly taking pills to keep me healthy. That is no longer an issue, I inject every two weeks; and that is a different type of frustration. Every medication came with a new set of problems and challenges. And for the most part, I faced them head on, did what was asked of me, I was growing tired of being sick and scared of how further I could continue to fall before there was no coming back without serious, long term problems. Crohn’s was, and is, enough to deal with.
So, tomorrow. It’s just another day to regular, healthy people. But for me, and Crohnies and chronic patients alike, its the new start we have every day to do better. It is the chance to forget all the things that went wrong before and do it over. It might sound really cheesy and slightly pathetic – some might say it doesn’t work that way, nor is it so simple – but why can’t it be? If it helps, why not?
And think about it like this, tomorrow comes around and yesterday is just another day further away from the sickness and pain that has gone before. Stronger, wiser, better.