Life, right now, isn’t busy for me but it’s a complete struggle to relax.
I say ‘busy’ in the traditional sense that I still currently unemployed so I don’t have a Monday to Friday 9-5 keeping me occupied. But, that doesn’t mean I haven’t been working. I’ve been spending my time writing and working on improving my ‘blogging game’ pretty much since 2017 started.
Despite this, once I am through with my tasks for the day, I find it so hard to tear myself away from my phone and really relax.
I used to be able to pick up a book and read until the light was fading and I was struggling to see the words on the page. I could spend hours just doing that, something to transport me into a little world, that wasn’t full of my own problems. Maybe it’s because my problems now are few and pretty minor compared to before, or that fact that my mind just does not want to switch off. I haven’t read anything since before my surgeries. Some of that way down to feeling so drowsy from the painkillers, some of it because I couldn’t get comfortable with my stoma in the early days. Now it’s down to being lazy and I want to fix that.
I have tons – and literally mean tons – of books unread. On my most recent update of my Goodreads profile, it sits at 86 unread titles and I keep finding new books to either borrow or download or buy from Amazon.
So how do I move forward?
- Firstly, I need to read what I have got, so bye bye buying new books for a while.
- I’m only going to reserve books from the library I really really want to read and only one at a time
- I am going to dedicate some time, each day, to reading. I have a quite comfortable bed, so if I get myself a cup of tea, that is a good hour of reading right there. At least it’s a start.
What else can I do to help me relax?
I can see my future being busier – I have quite a few opportunities coming up and hopefully some means of employment too – so I know I need to find a good way to maintain some level of relaxation and self care into my usual routine.
I have found that walking is good for not only my physical health but also my mental wellbeing. The last couple weeks I’ve either been away from home, fatigued or lazy and we haven’t spent our weekends out in the parks and nature reserves close to us. We haven’t even done much Pokémon Go-ing which has been a great starting point for us to get outside this year..! We both need to encourage the other one to get up and get out, because once we’re away from the comfort of the house and Netflix, we do actually actively enjoy ourselves. More of this please, more pushing each other out of the house!
I have a huge collection of candles. I’ve always enjoyed them and my Yankee Candle obsession started many years ago. But seen as I don’t spend much time in my room for longer than to change clothes or my ostomy bag, I haven’t really used them. I will now light one when I read, as a sort of ritual.
I don’t listen to it unless I am walking alone or working alone. It’s usually just filler to my primary task and that needs to change.
I realise that I can’t run at any capacity without taking care of myself, without needing to have time and space for myself. I need to find ways to help myself forget about the pressures of having a chronic illness, of being an ostomate, of being a blogger, being a girlfriend… even just for a little while. I need some escapism without escaping, if you understand my meaning. I need some personal time, some personal space… so that I don’t snap.