Is getting too comfortable a bad thing?
Recently, I moved to start a new job. There was no two ways about it; if I wanted that particular job, I had to relocate. My employer has been amazed that I have been able to a) move away from home after so long there and b) settle in so well, so quickly.
So where does settling in get into the realms of being comfortable?
I find myself enjoying my journeys to work. I enjoy coming to work too, which I haven’t ever really felt before. I feel happy to listen, learn and then do; as you would in training. But, I explore beyond what is set out in the classroom. I ask a lot of questions and sometimes, it does feel too much but not to me. Some might call it being nosey or kissing ass, but I find it all so interesting. And now the dots are all being connected together; I feel pretty damn sure I will do my job well.
Being here, away from home, exploring new places and ‘things’ reminds me so strongly of who I was at university. I had a group of friends but I knew lots of people because I made the effort to introduce myself. I find myself doing that again and I really like it. It’s like the old Louise who was left dormant after her degree is waking up again.
But why wasn’t I like this in any other job I’ve had since university?
Frankly – and in hindsight – those jobs weren’t right for me. This one feels different. This whole “moving away and starting new with my new lease on life thanks to my ostomy” feels right. Finally, something in my chronically ill life is going well and going right, for a change!
The independency that had whilst studying at university is back too. I find myself wanting to go and do new things. I was fearful of doing that whilst living with my colon because it really did control my life. It stopped me from just living and being free; free from the toilet, free from the fear of an accident, free from overthinking every little step I took.
Ostomy life is free life to me.
I think my comfortable nature here, is my body and mind finally being able to be.
I doubt I will ever get ‘too comfortable’ because I am pushing myself. I want more. I deserve more. I put in more to get more out of it. I strive for my own greatness; and without sounding or wanting to be egotistical: I want to be the best. I want to be great and remembered for that. I want the good I do and the help I bring to others to matter. If not only to me and them, but to others maybe too shy or embarrassed to ask or even think they need it. I want to be a force; a good force.
I want to finally be me: ostomy, medical geek, lover of the small things in life, carer of those who need a voice and support.
Those are labels I will be proud of.