I am too eager to have everything work out so quickly.

Memory

When I was about 6 years old and I was still loosing my baby teeth, I sat at school one day playing around with one very loose tooth. Rocking it back and forward in my fleshy gum, until POOF! out it came, covered in blood and bits of flesh. I was astonished, I really was, at how this horrible and…

“SHUT UP WILL YOU?!”

This is what I ended up screaming at my tum last night in front of the tv, with the whole of my family watching me. It was the culmination of a whole day of shitty Crohn’s symptoms. In fact, after this sentence came out of my mouth, I began wondering how bad things were going to get. I had awoke…

Today has been a rough day. Nothing major has happened, just lots of small things that have accumulated into something.. bigger. Had trouble taking my medication today – only my iron tablet – couldn’t swallow it and almost choked. Am home alone now until I go back to work and it was scary. My glasses are irritating my nose still,…

Sat in my bed, silently crying. I want to stop – need to stop – because in a few moments someone will come up the stairs and say goodnight to me and I can’t have been crying. Because I am strong and nothing is wrong. Who am I kidding? Right now, I don’t feel strong. I feel pathetic and weak.…

Strength

My body never failed me until August. I wasn’t really ready for it. I guess you never really are until it happens. It forces you to focus. Makes you slightly more paranoid about how well you do things. I lost my ability to walk very far. To even do anything without becoming breathless. I wasn’t used to it. I still…

Scans

Its been a while since I had a scan – of any type – done for my Crohns. My last ‘attempt’ was my failed MRI in early December, and before that it was a very rushed second ultrasound during my last hospital stay. In all honesty, I don’t mind the scans. Or the tests. Just knowing more about my condition…

The emotional battle of everything in my life is only just beginning..

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