The Plan

So, my last lot of drugs really didn’t work. The steroids I was taking with my Pentasa didn’t exactly have a good time together, the last couple days. In fact, everything went down hill in a matter of 36 hrs – just the time before my first out patient clinic appointment. One look at me, a description of my symptoms, my new weight loss and terrible lack of life in me; lead the consultant to re admit me almost immediately. Hours later, back in the same bed on the same ward as 10 days previously. Now, the plan is being…

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Night Two

Night two back of Ward G18. I feel better in myself today – more appetite and general perkiness (but mostly due to the feeling of ‘a plan’ being formed, but more on that later) than anything else – got my canulla in, lots of bloods taken, drugs and observations too. The road to recovery is a long and winding one. A clique, but feels very truthful now that I’m back in a hospital bed for the third time in a month. Not much has changed here – in fact, I get recognised, would you believe it? – but something is…

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Weight down to 8st 6. All Crohn’s symptoms back. Being readmitted to hospital tonight for treatment.

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Today is a bad day. Spent most of last night between my bedroom and the bathroom. Woke up with no stomach pains but dry mouth and a headache. Now, the nausea is here, and my bloody tongue and taste buds are gone. Tomorrow I go to the hospital for my first clinic appointment. I am so damn tired already. I just want this to be over. I want lots of days when I feel okay and normal and good. Its impossible though. My tablets take myself away from that. I know they help, I know they do, but I hate…

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I am having to re train my brain and body to what is ‘normal’ and ‘acceptable’ bowel noises / movements and which ones are – quite frankly – not. The continuous, unrelenting pain; for one. Then the fact that pain almost always wakes me up in a cold sweat. And thirdly, being unable to safety ‘ignore’ it and switch my mind to something else. Learning this whilst alone, with company and at night are frustrating me and consuming all my energy.

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