Funny thing about depression. If you’ve never had it, you’ll never fully understand it. It’s like a black hole has been put in your chest and you suddenly can’t breathe anymore. Everything is a blur, everything becomes routine because you don’t have the energy to do anything but what you absolutely have to. Eat, shower, sleep…maybe. You have no reason, you feel like the world is crashing down all around you.

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Invisability

We all know that IBD is an ‘invisable’ condition, that no one notices, or even understands. I spend a considerable time of late on my appearance. I wonder how I look to other people, to strangers who don’t know me from Adam, that have no idea of the torrent of pain I’ve been through, going through, will expect to go through. I put my make up on, fix my clothes, make sure I look as well as possible. I can’t tell you how many times concealer has saved my life on the days when I need to go out of…

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Moving On.

Being told you have an incurable condition is pretty mind boggling at the best of times. There is so much that runs through you head: what if it never hits remission, what if the meds don’t work, what if I need endless surgeries, how much pain will I have to put up with, when will it stop? It takes an indefinite amount of time to get comfortable with this, with your new found skin. I didn’t handle it pretty well. I suffered through a range of emotions: starting with constant crying, to welling up every time I thought about my…

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By definition…

Crohn’s is a long term chronic illness. There is alot about it that takes a long time ot digest and accept. For being just about 6 months into all this shit (ha!), I think it is reasonable to say that I’ve pretty much accepted alot of what will happen to me. That my illness is serious, despite its ability to disappear and reappear without notice. That my medication is necessary to my survival. That my family will always try their best to understand, despite not being able to feel my pain completely. That I have limitations. That I have a…

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“Normal” Life..

In the days that followed my diagnosis, everyone from my parents, to doctors, to nurses; told me how I could live with Crohns, how many people lived a ‘normal’ life despite the condition. I gawfed. A lot. In fact, after a while, it wore thin quite quickly. I got angry and completely bent out of shape by its incessant chirpy sentiment. A NORMAL life?! How, how exactly was that going to work? I spent a lot of my time in hospital – the first two times – contemplating my fate and that indulgent statement. I worried I wouldn’t ever be…

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