Healing may not be so much about getting better, as about letting go of everything that isn’t you – all of the expectations, all of the beliefs – and becoming who you are. Rachel Naomi Remen  (via anditslove)

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Expectations

I know that is it unrealistic to have expectations when it comes to my Crohns, but I can’t help it sometimes. When things were bad, I just wanted to be better. I wanted my new medication to work and I wanted to get back to my normal life. And in a way, I am back, and I am as normal as I’ll ever be again. But starting Humira back in December was a scary affair. I was very aware that I could not spend the rest of my days on steroids –  and I really didn’t want to have to…

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Humira #101

Now, I am not a completely stupid girl, I know that the medication I am on helps me; helps relieve the crohns symptoms, and let’s me go out in to the world and kick ass every day. I know from personal experience that everything else has failed – in one way or another – and this is my option at the moment. And what is a couple hundred £££ worth of injection if not brilliant for giving me back my life? So what, I have to actually stick a needle in my thigh bi- weekly? So what, if it takes two…

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Day 13

So, today is the final day of the current Humira cycle. Yes, it ist just gone midnight on a Wednesday, but I for some reason am wide awake. This cycle has felt completely different. I’ve had so many days of feeling so damn good, it is slightly scary. I’m used to my body starting to flag on Day 9 and start seriously running on fumes by Day 12. This time around? Nothing like that. I don’t know if it’s because I’ve been very open and honest about the fact that I have very bad days and very good days –…

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Having to face people day to day who have no idea that you are suffering the side-effects of medications because you are sick.. It is Day 9 of Humira. I can actually feel the strength falling out of my body, through my fingers and feet. Every step I am taking is one less step of strong I have left inside of me. I wish I could sleep better. The insomnia is at its worse when I am coming to the end of my cycle. I sit in bed at night, praying for some shut eye. Praying for more than 2 hours…

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