I am in a period of good health with my Crohn’s. But I still get lots of comments about my eating. The most common one is “How can you eat so much food when you have a disease?”
I used to be flabbergasted by the audacity of people to comment on my life, my eating habits. Who exactly are you to tell me I am eating too much? Where exactly does your opinion lie in the scale of things? I used to be mad, hurt by people’s need to comment on my ‘new’ life.
Now? I smile at this. Why? Because my response is three fold:
Firstly, it’s not a disease. Its a condition. There is nothing wrong with me, per say, and anything that is wrong with me is manageable.
Secondly, I know what is good for my guts. Its taken a long time to find out all the bad things that upset my bowels and everything that made my daily life hell. Now, I don’t have any inflammation and they are behaving well. If I find something I like to eat and can tolerate well, I eat the heck out of it. So yes, if you happen to see me with a plate full of food, I can actually now finish it, no problem. I used to worry continuously about going back to work and being unable to eat. Not a problem now. I find toast and teacakes and sausage rolls and the occasional sneaky sandwich to keep me going through the day. And I don’t feel as weak and helpless as I once did. Hell yes!
Thirdly, my medication was a life saver. I went to to Humira and got my bounce back! And my appetite. I love being on a medication I only have to take once every two weeks and I can live my life as if I don’t have a crohnie gut. Albeit, the other stuff that I get because of my Crohn’s acts up on occasion – making me feel old beyond my years, oy! – that I can deal with. I don’t want to return to 2011. Ever. Never, ever.
Eating and Crohn’s is and always be something that every Crohnie has problems with. I remember the days and weeks when I couldn’t eat. I remember more of the days when I was scared to eat, because of the limitation my diet put on my life. I remember the hours I used to waste planning meals and being watchful of every morsel I put into my mouth. I worried constantly about the effects any sort of food would have on me. Now, I respect the boundaries I have. If I don’t, I end up where I was on my last admission – A&E Triage. No, not again. I do not want another spiral.
So yes, sometimes I look at my little crohnie belly and think about how much I wish it wasn’t there but mostly, I am sort of proud of it. I know it will never go away and when it goes, I will be sick again. I’ve accepted that my weight will go up and down between cycles of health and illness. I’m just getting starting and its take alot for me to feel comfortable.
If you wish to comment on my eating habits, non Crohnies, go right ahead. Say what you like to me whilst I scoff my face.. while I have the chance! 😀