Day Six – The High Road

nhbpm-2012The high road

To quote Two and a Half Men;

You’d be proud of me. I took the high road.. It didn’t matter”

“It rarely does”

Sometimes, silence isn’t as overrated as it is perceived to be.

Commonly, “taking the high road” means to do the right things despite it being unpopular or hard to do. For me, respecting myself and my disease well enough to not sell it short or lie about it, is taking the high road.

The most prevalent place this occurs is at my place of work. I was, once, naive to assume or indeed expect, my boss and people in a ‘higher position’ than me to understand – or at least try their hardest to – what I’d been through and was it was still, at that time, going through. When my depression was sky high and I reached out for counselling, I’d been back to work for about 6 weeks and I was wary to share the fact I’d asked for help. Therapy has a stigma that I was unsure many people would understand, especially the people I work with. The group in which I spend my working days with are alot older than me and have a lifetime of experience with the good and bad of life. Its a mixed bunch and I cautiously told a few, not a problem. What was a problem though, was getting the shifts that didn’t conflict with my appointments. And, there is only so much fibbing I can tell before it all came out in a flood of anger one Monday morning before a session. The fact I had hid my counselling; hid the difficulties I was having adjusting to such a big change in my life, especially outside of the confides of my house and family, was too much. And work were not supportive.

Many times since, work have been unsupportive both below and beyond that level I felt back in March. And I’ve had to stand up for myself. Not that I wouldn’t or shy away from it, but really, shouldn’t there be a level of respect,after all this time, where I am thought of with consideration? Or am I still naively expecting some special treatment?

I just want the correct treatment, given the volume of things I have shared, even when I was scared to open my mouth, afraid to loose my job because of my Crohn’s.

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