As the lovely Sara Ringer said a few days about “if you didn’t laugh about it [Crohns] you’d probably cry”; well I feel the same about my health, if I didn’t share it, I would probably cry.
Let me take you back to October last year when I was defending deep into the depths of what is now my worse depression to date. I was still loosing a lot of weight despite being on my first round of Crohns medication, I was pretty tired from all the late night’s my guts liked having in the bathroom and I was all alone. I had just been diagnosed, I didn’t know anyone else with Crohns and my family were too scared to talk to me about it. Hell, I was too scared to talk about it too; I was afraid because I didn’t know anything about it. I just knew it was big and scary and life changing. And this was only the beginning, I was only 24!
I began writing everything out. And I mean everything. The bad things. The things I thought about whilst in pain. My wishes for surgery and my fears about how bad I could get before I got better. I was fed up of feeling alone so I started sending 140 characters out into the Twittersphere and I found people, actually real people who were suffering like me, had gone through what I was going through and were thoroughly supportive. It wasnt all in my head and I was going to get better. It didn’t all look so bad after that. Of course, its gotten worse and its gotten better. And like everyone with IBD, I’ve had good days followed by bad days. It’s all the give and take.
And its those moments, where I am scared and worried and alone in my bathroom that I want to share with people. Becuase what I feel isn’t uncommon. It once felt foreign and new but now its like getting used to a new tattoo; perplexing that something so simple could change my life so instantly.
I share because I care about myself and everyone else with IBD. I want to contribute to the knowledge and advice of my fellow Crohnies. I share because I can. I share becuase I’ve been unable to.