February was a busy one. It started and ended with my Nan. She passed away on the last day of January and we’ve only just been able to have the funeral. It wasn’t a sudden death, she had been ill for a long time but still, even that doesn’t cushion the blow of my dad loosing his mom. It’s taken a toll on everyone, but my dad has been able to hold it together until he spoke at the funeral. It was heart-breaking to watch and it still gets me choked up. Despite that, she had a lovely send off. The chaplain reminded us that if we didn’t follow a religion, that death comes to us all and it’s about leaving a legacy of yourself. That gave me food for thought and plenty of comfort.
I have been able to keep moving forward with my recovery. Things have continued in the same vein and improvements are smaller now and not so significant. It’s been more about being able to accept that I can have a good life with a chronic illness. It’s about making myself proud and happy. So, I’ve been working on getting my life in order. What a slow process but I am considering everything as what it would be in the long term.
With that, I’ve written more and got myself out there in the blogging world. I still don’t feel comfortable promoting myself or scouting for business but I am happy to share my opinion. That has proved fruitful, my voice – both actual and written – seems to be getting more recognised.
This month I spent time on being better. At what exactly? Well, I’ve tried very hard to give back abit more in my relationship and be abit more selfless. This has been small things like, not arguing and trying my best to see his POV without getting hot-headed. It’s resulted in a better wave of communication between us, which is welcomed. I feel more involved in his life; when I was sick it was all about me, in reality. It shouldn’t be like that now, my being ill isn’t here anymore and he deserves some focus. So with his exams coming up, I am helping Ben get through them and hoping he’ll pass with flying colours.
Me and my mom spent a day at the spa in half term. My aunt came with us and it was a right laugh. We got time to talk away from family and it was lovely. We do plan to do this every other break my mom gets from work, and its always a nice time away from home.
I also travelled to London to meet a new friend. It’s bee wonderful to find new friendships with my ostomy and get connected with that but this person is like my twin, it is weird but oh so wonderful. We spent the day being tourists in London and it was such a good day out. Hopefully we get to do it again soon.
A significant part of this month has been spent trying to get myself ready to go back to work. But no matter what I did, I just couldn’t prepare myself. I had to just apply for jobs and see what happens. So that is what I am doing currently. Waiting and seeing. Its cheesy to say but my ostomy has finally given me the drive to figure out what I want to do. It was like a lightbulb when I finally figured it out. Lets hope that ball starts rolling soon, I am dying to get back into work and this is going to be something new and challenging and I really can’t wait!
I am looking forward to March, its very busy with some appointments, social events, trips away and lots of upcoming blog posts. I am hoping March will be amazing because it is now a whole year of being away from ‘normal’ life of work and home. I know I need that to come back, and come back soon. I am leaving time for me, time for new projects and time for doing nothing because that is important too.