In 2016 I made a conscious effort to set myself realistic goals and hoped to hell that I could achieve them. I found that keeping goals helped me focus on something, especially when things got shitty and problematic. So I’ve set myself some specific health ordinated goals.
These are things I wanted to achieve once I had recovered from my op in August and are focused around building myself and my life around my ostomy. Yes, it is that fundamental to who I am. But I wanted to also find things to work on, away from my health. These goals are:
Be better at money. I want to be able to save this year, which is very difficult whilst I’m not working. I want to work off my debts and get into a healthy routine of planning ahead and being more frugal.
Work on my confidence. I have lost a lot of that in the years I’ve been sick. I’ve second guessed myself and hidden away. Well no more. I want to be able to take a holiday alone and be comfortable being alone, just me and my thoughts. I also want to challenge myself and see myself in new situations, where I would be a focus.
Speak up more. I’ve found that whilst its become easier to make a complaint these days – ie. access to a toilet for my ostomy – I want to say more and do more, in that thread. I want to get involved in campgaining for ostomy awareness and help educate those who use having an ostomy in a negative vein.
Be accountable. I need to take stock and hold my hands up when something is my fault. Being accountable isn’t something found very often now. If I don’t meet a deadline or achieve something, it is my fault and my own alone. No one else is to blame. I need to take control of accepting how much I can do and not encourage myself to feel pressurised ot be like others or being unrealistic.
Trust more, control less. I’d like to work on how much I try and control things. I know I do this because I have an unpredictable, uncontrollable illness and if I can control everything else, I feel calm. Life does not work like this. I’ve gotten better at being prepared and accepting what happens, but I also want to just trust myself, my body and my life to go how it is going to go. And enjoy the ride!
Be more informed! I want to learn. I want know more about my illness; what causes it, the treatments around it, when things work best, best practices and how the system works too. This – I hope! – won’t just help me, but other patients too. I also want to learn life skills too; all the things I will need to know about when I move out and live with my partner.
Be proud! Working on not being ashamed of my scars and my bag. For the most part I like my bag; the tech behind it, the innovations and why I need and have it, but other times I am scared of showing it off (when appropriate). I am not embarrassed just not as proud as I’d like to be. I want to work on that this year; challenge myself into new circumstances. See what I can achieve with my bag, especially things that I shyed away from whilst having Crohn’s ruling my life.
I have taken such huge leaps in 2016, despite the awful times I’ve experienced and been through. But here is my positive; it surely can’t happen like that again, and if it does, I know what to expect! Here is to 2017 being awesomely average and not at all dreadful