Back in late 2016, I set myself these goals. All because that year was probably the most challenging and life changing year I’ve had with my IBD since diagnosis. Because I felt that I needed some focus and some ambition to drive me forward. I wanted to achieve something, beyond the realms of my illness. For the most part, I’ve ticked off almost all of my 2017 goals. I haven’t look at them all the time, haven’t reminded myself what was left to achieve, I just let things happen. And I am happy with the results.
As 2017 draws to a close, I think about what I would like to achieve for 2018. Here they are:
But beyond my job and my health, I want to work on some things that are more personal. Things that are some what harder to quantify and to ‘tick off’ my to do list. Things that help me grow as a person, help me grow up and help me feel more adult; more in control.
Learn to forgive. This year, I’ve had moments – too many, really – where I’ve found it difficult to let it go. I’ve struggled to find peace in what is happening and processing my own reality. I need to find some forgiveness; in myself and my illness and how that spreads outwards to others.
Find time for me. I’ve been swept up in my health problems and my job. I want to find some space for exploring me; what makes me happy, what makes me sad and how to feel comfortable in not only my own skin, but my own personality.
Appreciate life. Because life is fucking beautiful and I haven’t really been able to see that for a while. I want to let go of my anger I still have for August 2017 and to find some beauty in it.
Practice gratitude. Daily, if I can. Find something positive in each day, even when shit hits the fan big time.
Find my spirit. I want to find me. I want to find out who I am and be proud of that. Not for anyone else but for me. I want to feel incredibly proud of what I do, how I hold myself and how I cope with what life throws at me.
Be more resourceful. I have knowledge that I want to share but can’t find a way to share it. I also want to learn more, be better, be great at my job. Be great at helping others problem solve and seek advice from me. This one will be the most challenging, I am sure of it.
Lean into the fear. I need to do something this year that scares me. In 2017 it was relocate and do well at my job. Next year, who knows? But I need to push my comfort zone outwards, not inwards.
2017 tested me in a way I half expected but challenged me. It certainly changed me too, hopefully towards something better. Let’s see if push myself in 2018 has been the biggest lesson 2017 taught me.