I’ve been feeling rubbish for weeks now but slowly getting through the days as they drag on, finish and move into the next one.
I’ve been busy too, I’ve had hardly any time to really stop and take a long look at myself for as long as I can really remember. The beginning of a new school term started off with my ALQ kicking off in full swing and until half term – but really not until its completed in January – do I get a break, even a little one. And as the stress and the amount I am doing with my mind and body increases so does my use and need of Imodiums.

Ah, the slippery slope into inflammation begins, my over worked and overly tired brain tells me. My guts response, churning away, giving me pain and cause for much concern. I get weak and tired and dizzy quite easily these days and I want to say it is not Crohns related but sooner or later I have to admit it might well be.

But not just yet. It’s not that bad, compared to my memories of last winter, nothing is THAT bad. Even snowboarding and ice skating isn’t too much of a pain. Even work, jeez! But all is not well and there is something brewing I am choosing to ignore.

I say choosing as if I am turning a blind eye to all the ailments Crohns has riddled by body with. I’m not, I’m just choosing to be positive and not become to paranoid too quickly over the slightest thing. Which is hard for me to do, I keep waking from horrible hospital related dreams this week, in a sweat and withoht really understanding or comprehension of what it is I’m exactly feeling.

Guilt?
Fear?
Doom?

I shall continue to feel all these things and more until I can get some time to think everything through. Let’s just get through this week and make it to the weekend yes? Solid plan..! I think.

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