Le sigh.

Sadly, I’ve been going through a rough time this past week or so. I’ve been experiencing terrible abdominal pain and some awful bathroom visits. All the while, going to work, doing my Brownies leadership and persurviering with my snowboarding.

You’ll be glad, I managed it all whilst being unwell.

But here I am sat, attempting to complete NHBPM – albeit a week behind – and I’m finding it hard to concertrate. I spent last night yelling and screaming and crying at my boyfriend as we faught. Why? Because I am in constant low levelling pain and uncomfortable as fuck. No matter how much I try, I am in pain. Always. I thought I could or would be able to ride it out and just get over it in time. Alas, I’ve come to the end of my tether and I’m pretty fed up; the fight was just the reason for everything to come to the surface, I bottled it all up the last couple weeks and I’m so tired of fighting with my own body for some sort of comfortable feeling to happen, I just snapped.

I’ve been contemplating alot of things today whilst I was at home alone. Like, how can I still be allowed to continue Humira under the NICE guidelines? I come to my 12 month limit in two weeks and I’ve no active disease. I’m in remission. I do not want to stay on a medication that is only trialed for 12 month cycle and has made my body expand and me hurt more. I might not have an inflamed colon anymore but I feel more miserable than ever before. And it is Crohn’s related; I have a job, I have a life, a loving bf and a good family. I’m not exactly in despair but I feel awful. I want to avoid my depression coming again. I want off Humira.

Is this a possibility? I hope so. Is the 5th of February too far away for me to see my GI? HECK YES. I intend to remedy that this week. I want to get back into the game, I want to feel better, every part of me, I want to feel better.

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