I sound full of excitement and hope, from that title, don’t I?
Well, it was difficult today.
My insanity prevailed more than my logic. My logic dictates that it is a 10 second injection for 14 days of greatness. What does my insanity think? Needle. Needle! NEEDLE! Painful painful prick of a needle!
I sat with the pen posed on my skin for what felt like an eternity. I took it off. Gave myself a pep talk – Seriously? You can’t it it NOW? What is wrong with you? You’ll flare up without it. You’ll have horribly painful days if you don’t. Its just a teeny tiny needle. Put the pen back on my skin. This happened, oh, 8 or 9 times, before I gave up and had a little sob. Called out for my brother to come help me. Dumb idea! He really hates needles. He told me I can do it, he can’t. He shouldn’t need to help me. He’s right. Its MY medication, I CAN do it. Done it bi weekly since December, I can TOTALLY do it.
Its not the pain of the injection. Its the needle; I have to check the pen out before injection, which means checking the expiry, the fluid in the pen and the needle. I look that bastard in the eye before applying it to my alcohol swiped thigh. Dumb!
It is fear that stops me. I can’t explain it properly, but its a fear of something, of some kind, that propels my hand to put the pen down and WOOOSAHH. And it never used to be like that. If I can’t get over this every two weeks, how will I be every week, when they change my meds? Silly.