“Out of suffering have emerged the strongest souls; the most massive characters are seared with scars.”
I am a ‘newbie’ in Crohns sphere. I’ve only been diagnosed 7 months now and I am physically scare free. I’ve had nothing more invasive than a flexiscope and MRI scan, so I can’t even begin to image someone cutting me open and scarring my skin (though, I do this on a semi regular basis with tattoos..). But, I do believe that everything that has happened up until this point has made me build a stronger me. Cliched as it sounds, it has changed my life, and shaped it. And it won’t ever stop changing. Something is always around the corner – be it good or bad – and I have to go right towards it, guts and all.
Crohns is a big part of my life. Although it physically doesn’t hold me back, sometimes, emotionally and mentally, it keeps me caged up. I try my hardest to not let it take a front seat in how I run my life, but it is inevitable that it will at some point. I am not denial about my condition, I don’t hide it away in a box inside of my heart; it is out there in the world, and anyone can talk to me about it. By writing about it, hopefully awareness will rise and it won’t be such an awkward subject. I embrace my quirk – ‘oh, I have some cranky guts, and inject myself bi weekly with lovely drugs to keep me perky and happy’ – It is who I am. I can not change it. Why would I want to? It’s physically impossible. It is here to stay.
So yes, it’s a characteristic I am growing to love and hate at the same time. Difficult, yes? Of course it is! Adjusting to anything new is hard and challenging. I don’t let it stop me In fact, I use it to push myself – albeit sometimes too hard – but I can’t just sit back and let it take control, now can I? I won’t fucking stand for it.