Day Nine – Keep Calm and Carry On

hawmc2013Keep calm and carry on. Write and create your own Keep Calm and Carry On poster. Can you make it about your condition? Then go to http://www.keepcalm-o-matic.co.uk and actually make an image to post to your blog.

I’ve written quite abit about my Crohn’s and Humira. I started it on December 7th, exactly three months after being diagnosed.

NB. When I say or write things like that, “after / since diagnosis” I can actually hear my mind exploding. It is has been no time what so ever and that is where I was only 90 days after having that lovely scope? HOW? WHAT? WHERE? WHY?! I get a little panicked and scared. But relieved.

I used to be so bad at needles. I got pretty damn used to being stuck every day for bloods and every three days for cannula changes. I actually didn’t mind them in the end. But, that subcutaneous needle, she is something else. It is the Humira pen that I stick into my thigh every other Thursday morning.

I remember my IBD nurse first mentioning Humira as an option way back in October of last year. Before they even tried Aza, it seems that they had some sort of inkling that I might not be good on ‘level two’ treatment and applying for funding for Adalimumab was pretty standard procedure in my condition and age. So, two days later, we had the grant for my injections. I was discharged to start Aza and before we knew where we were it was November, I was having the Green Weekend, they discovered more Crohn’s in my large intestine and Humira was my next option.

I freaked out. Alot. NEEDLE! IN MY THIGH! ARE YOU MAD WOMAN!?

They told me I was due back into the Endoscopy Suite a week after my discharge clinic to start my injections. They would do four loads (2 lots of 2x40mg doses) over two days. I instantly felt better. I was happy. I was bouncy. I was energetic (but cautiously so) and I had an appetite! For the first time in weeks, I craved food.

I will never get over the fact that I have to stab myself with medication for this disease. That it is a bi weekly thing that shall continue for as long as my body and guts tolerate it. What is becoming more prevalent as the cycles go on, is that I panic more and more before injecting. Even thought in the hours and days before my injection I crave that needle and that good Humira vibe, I can’t stop myself from getting a little nervous and anxious about actually pressing the needle down into my muscle and into my system. It might only be ten seconds of pain but it stings. I’ve tried to limit the sting as much as possible but its still there. It feels worse each time. And the next day or two after my shot, I feel horrible. Not ill or anything, just not myself.

So, I tell myself. Keep Calm. And Humira On. It is keeping me alive, it is keeping me living. It is keeping my (semi) sane. It is allowing me to do everything I do already.

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