I spent a long time contemplating the title of my blog when I begun way back in August last year. I came to the conclusion that ‘Free Falling’ summed up my initial feelings about having Crohn’s disease.
From the John Mayer cover of the classic Tom Petty song “Free Falling” this is also relevant:
And I’m free, free fallin
Yeah I’m free, free fallin
I do feel like I am in a free fall. That is is an never ending cycle of things. That there is something always going on, there will always be something. I accept, sort of, that Crohn’s is never going to leave me and my fate is this, right here, right now. But, it does suck. It sucks alot. It sucks when my knees crack and my back hurts and my wrists won’t do anything I want them to. It sucks when I feel sick and I have to go to work. It sucks when my guts keep me up at night and interrupt my sleep. It sucks when I have to watch what I eat. It sucks when I get tired and can’t keep my eyes open. It sucks ALOT. It sucks having to go for blood tests, scans and be poked alot whilst in the hospital. It sucks that no one really understand it and I get alot of sympathetic head tilts.
But hey, I’m still here right? I’m still fighting and I’m still typing.