Day Six – Letters

HAWMC2013

Write a letter to an older you (tell us what age you’re writing to!). What do you want to ask yourself? What lesson do you want to make sure you remember?
Write a letter to your condition – what do you want to get off your chest?

I think it’s time to get some things off my chest.

Dear Louise,

You’re sat in that sweaty hospital bed aren’t you? You’re wondering when this will all be over and when you’ll be finally allowed to go home, aren’t you?

Babe, sadly, you’ve got alot more of this to get through.

This is just the beginning. You’re going to be released today but you will be back here, in another ward, waiting for another diagnosis, another doctor with answers in just a short few days. And boy, when you get those answers, they will shock you. You will flash back to your second year at university and to the first love of your life and feel the most awful, painful, heavy wave of regret and guilty flood your heart. You’ll cry like a little girl and you’ll be all alone with the Endoscopy nurses. You will look at your new IBD nurse with hopeful and scared eyes as she explains surgery will happen someday, but not until you’ve gotten through more pain, worse pain, all the pain you could ever imagine.

The road ahead.. boy, it’s not pleasant. But my advice to you is do what you are told. Take all the medications, even if they are hard to swallow and be bloody and brutally honest with the GI. Be honest with everyone, even your mom and dad, especially when they sit on your bed listening whilst you throw up everything green and you mess yet another pair of hospital pj bottoms. Tell them how much this sucks and how much you wish it would end. Because they never understand the full extent of your pain because you laugh it off. Connect with your friends whilst in hospital because they will never come if you don’t make the first move.

But please, be brave.

I sit here almost 2 years later wiser and more wonderful because of the bad stuff but messed up because I was stubborn and arrogant enough to skip antibiotics and Crohn’s medications. It’s what brought you back in for the third time and what make the C Diff cling on. It’s probably what makes all the Azathioprine based meds not work nowadays. You will regret that. Because right now, you are left on Pred and without anything but biological treatment and then surgery. It’s all too soon! Too fast!

 

Please, think.

 

Lots of crohnie love,

L x

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  1. Pingback: Day Thirty – Recap | youngcrohns

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