Day Nineteen – Vintage

Post a vintage photo of yourself, with a captain about the photo and where you were in terms of your health condition.

This is a photo I took the afternoon of my first Humira injection. It was the first time in almost 4 months that I felt okay. Not good, or great, just okay. It was a big step for me, I was so thin and unsure of how I looked, I couldn’t even look at the camera. I was shocked as how much weight I had lost and how different I felt without any hair. I felt weak. At times, I look at these photos and wonder what happened to me since then, of how much the medication has changed me – given me strength but has made me so much bigger. I always look at these photos and wish I could be there again – just for the appearance, though I know it’s not ‘healthy’ for me, not for the period of my health I was in – and then I become disgusted with myself. Because a bigger part of me knows how much better I am now, despite all the shitty meds, the awful side effects, the pain and the heartache I’ve felt since. Having Crohn’s has changed my life. But I just wish I could have remained in control. I’ve lost it so much since then. I am disappointed with myself.