Okay. So how did we get to the end of June already? We are half way through 2019 already. Already!

I haven’t really had a chance to reflect on the goals I set myself back in January.

You might be wondering, why reflect after only six months? Well, performance reviews in employment take place monthly, quarterly, and six monthly; why not personal reflection?

I’ve spent the first half of 2019 really unwell and needing surgeries. I can see alot of negatives within that but let’s flip that on its head and find the positives through the struggles. I’m going to be using this for motivation not as a comparison tool – I want to inspire myself not let my ‘lack’ of achievement lead to a mental health spiral.

I do feel a loss of writing enthusiasm over the last month or so, and I’d really like it to come back. I’ve had so many ideas floating around in my head, but no motivation to actually get up and do them.

What did I want to achieve in 2019, and how am I getting on?

Here are my goals:

  1. Learn more about my anxiety. I’ve been in CBT since early February and we have been looking at BT – Behavioural Therapy – to help be organise my life and lessen my anxiety about the big picture. What has been good is that I know I get anxious about things I have no control over, so letting go of those has been the toughest part and is not over yet.
  2. Find a good work / life balance that is consistentI only worked for the first six weeks of the year before I got signed off. And while at the moment I can’t get a consistent balance of working and life, I have been able to work on reducing my guilt about being off sick – it is for a legitimate reason and it’s been complex. Hopefully, I will be returning to my job in the coming weeks!
  3. Accept the bad and rejoice in the good. I’ve had a complex recovery from surgery so I’ve seen some bad bad times. I dealt with them as I could, reminding myself that this is only temporary. I am sure that more ‘bad’ will come around – it always does, somehow – but as long as I can see the good, I’ll be working on this, forever.
  4. Practice what I preach. I specifically meant this in giving advice to others to recover and rest, and not doing it myself. I’ve had to really force myself to do this during this post op period. With BT, I’ve been able to identify exactly what can be cut and what can’t, and focus on doing what is needed. It’s tough, I’ll admit – to retrain your brain – but it’s getting easier.
  5. Find some calm through my stormsI’ve not really managed this yet.
  6. Find more passions and DO THEMI’ve also not really done this either yet!

There were a few other goals that I set myself at the beginning of the year, but they’re pretty personal so I’m going to keep them to myself for now. However, on the whole, I don’t think I’m doing too badly. I mean, I could be doing a lot better, but this is me trying not to be too hard on myself.

What I’m choosing to look at right now, on reflect of these goals is:

  • These were set in a different time, a different place.
  • I can adapt these goals to fit what I need now.
  • I have another six months to work on them.
  • Progress isn’t always going to be met.
  • This is by no means a hard and fast rule for achievement. There is plenty more outside of these specific goals I have actually achieved and I celebrate those hard.

 

Do you have any questions or queries? Or just want to share your own experiences? You can leave me a reply here or leave comments via my social media accounts – on Twitter, find my blog page on Facebook and over on Instagram

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2019 Goals [28.12.2018]