Oh how I wish I could be healthy once more!
Sometimes the conversations at work come around to be me, and how I “used to be” when I was “not sick”. Pardon me? Me? Not sick? Oh, yes, there was a time when I was just.. normal.
These past couple weeks things haven’t be quite normal for me. It’s been abit iffy since I worked a full week at work and since then my bowels haven’t taken that 40 hour week as anything good, deciding that was the time to start playing around and annoying me. Wonderful freaking timing as usual but it could very well be much worse. So, that being said, I’ve been back to the hospital for a few tests and nothings come of them, but the abdominal pains aren’t easing up. The urges to go to the bathroom are higher. Its utterly frustrating; not to mention slightly embarrassing and mortifying, the speed in which I haul my arse out of my seat in the direction of a toilet. I’ve got to return to the GI clinic next week and book time off work for a colonoscopy before the year is out.
I am dreaded it. Not the procedure, nor seeing my GI once more – he must hate meeting me, always a problem – but the fact I’ve got to explain to work I need some investigations done. YET AGAIN.
I look healthy to everyone. It’s been said many times, that they can’t believe I am sick. Oh, would you like to see my CT scans? Or my MRIs? Or hell, the biopsies they took out my colon last year? Would you like my medical records? How far do I have to go to prove my illness?
It is the bane of my life. And yes, I accept that it is what I will always have difficulty with – explaining and showing people my illness. Because my face does not register as a “sick person”. UGH.