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It is going to get a tiny bit graphic..

Let me take you back to the second admission I had because of my Crohn’s Disease. I was a couple days into a stay that had stemmed from painful joints and more weight loss through constant V&D, when I got the news I had caught a C Diff infection whilst being on the Gastro ward. This came at the worse time; despite new medications – at this point IV steroids and Pentasa tablets – I was still suffering terribly with my bowels whilst eating like a horse from the steroids. I was moved to an isolation room, where everyone who entered needed to gown and glove up to see me; be it any of my family visiting me, nurses taking blood, HPA delivering my meals or just my GI on ward rounds, I was stuck in my room for almost two weeks without leaving. My only hope was the fact that I had to go 48 long hours without a bowel movement of 4 or lower.

This was determined by the Britol Stool chart and being a good patient – and probably because I was bored out of my mind by the second day in isolation – I was set on monitoring my movements down to a tee. We have sheets on our charts where you can record such movements and I got rather good at this every time I stay in GHH. I think it was the determination to get out the ward that drove me forward, but also the chance to finally catch a winning head start on my condition too. It has had its benefits too – it is deeply ingrained into my mind whenever I start to notice changes in my condition.

Let’s bring you back to the present and currently I’ve just experienced a weekend from hell. The chronic V&D, lack of appetite and awful joint pains of a flare up. I’ve felt so unlike myself and it happened so quickly. But, knowing my body like I do, I know it’s only temporary. Today, three days later, I feel so much better. I still ache and I wish I had abit more appetite but the bowels have definitely moved forward into the “much better” category.

It is strange the feeling you feel inside when you feel your body turning the tide against the raging pain inside your gut. It is comfortable and familiar in an oddly satisfying way. When you have those nervous moments of whether a toilet trip is going to result in more pain or less pain. And when you realise how much better this trip is compared to the last. I might only judge my life in the small periods in which I am unwell or well, but knowing that I have come so far in such a short period of time, fills my little heart with joy. It is a sad thing to be so happy and excited about but a good toilet trip is the highlight of my day. It means so much to me.