Caught in the middle with you.

Ever had that feeling when youre struck by just the pure catch 22 of the situation? Where you are damned if you do and damned if you dont?

I feel this way, currently, about eating. I’m usually a girl with a hearty appetite and since the not eating phase because it caused me pain phase of my life was over and my appetite came back with some avengance, I have always wondered when the scale would tip in the opposite direction once more.

It seems it has. I’ve begun, slowly, to experience more and more significant pain in my gut. The logic of my brain tells me to stop eating because eating food – regardless of what is it these recent days – has caused pain. But, here i still sit, bacon sandwich and glass of milk in front of me on this Sunday morning as I get ready for work.

I know if I dont eat now, I won’t eat until a break at work later on, say about 1pm. And what if by that time I don’t feel hungry because I feel nauseous again or worse, am actually sick? But.. what if I’m not?

The indecision is frustrating. I want to eat. Believe me I do. But my brain is already winning the mental battle of “it causes you pain” fiasco. And this saddens me.

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1 comment

  1. Hi,
    Visiting your blog for the first time.
    I have had Crohn’s for 14 years now, I was still at school when diagnosed. I have definitely had times just like you describe above. I used to think ‘bugger it’ I am going to eat what I want… but I have learnt that for me that just doesn’t make for a happy girl. So, I keep it simple when I feel as you described above… what does that mean for me? Well, I juice a lot or make a smoothie – still getting all the goodness but don’t have to worry about my body breaking all that good stuff down. I find smoothies can be really filling and I can it with me in a bottle to sip on during the day.

    All the best with working out what works for you and your bod – you can do it, that I am sure of!
    Lorne

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