Ever had that feeling when youre struck by just the pure catch 22 of the situation? Where you are damned if you do and damned if you dont?
I feel this way, currently, about eating. I’m usually a girl with a hearty appetite and since the not eating phase because it caused me pain phase of my life was over and my appetite came back with some avengance, I have always wondered when the scale would tip in the opposite direction once more.
It seems it has. I’ve begun, slowly, to experience more and more significant pain in my gut. The logic of my brain tells me to stop eating because eating food – regardless of what is it these recent days – has caused pain. But, here i still sit, bacon sandwich and glass of milk in front of me on this Sunday morning as I get ready for work.
I know if I dont eat now, I won’t eat until a break at work later on, say about 1pm. And what if by that time I don’t feel hungry because I feel nauseous again or worse, am actually sick? But.. what if I’m not?
The indecision is frustrating. I want to eat. Believe me I do. But my brain is already winning the mental battle of “it causes you pain” fiasco. And this saddens me.