Having a chronic illness changes alot of things about yourself.
It makes you scared. It makes you think twice about small, trivial things. It makes you pause alot more than before. It make you weary and skeptical. It makes you.. a different person. In many small, insignificant ways.
I can only speak for myself, but being sick really does suck. And yes, it happens, I can not avoid that, there is no two ways about it really, its going to come around when you least expect it and even when you know its coming, it still throws you for six.
So that being said, it takes alot of courage, alot of confidence to be an outgoing, bubbly person when you have Crohns disease. You could quite easily just hide away and say goodbye to the world and let the disease take control of your life. Or you can fight. You can fight off infection after infection, flare up after flare up, surgery after surgery, inflammation after inflammation. It makes you ballsy.
And I find that such an admirable quality in a person.
It is a very sunny day today. In fact, its a beautiful day. I’ve just spend the last 7 hrs of it in a hot and sweat shop serving cakes and food to the good people of Lichfield. I am done for the day. I am in my jeans shorts and my UEA Class of 2010 tee. My pale and slightly skinny thighs and arms are out on show. So is my manic hair. And do I give a fuck? No. I’ve had an alright day. Nothing horrible happened, I only got a teeny tiny bit stressed at work and I’ve got a film night this evening. I feel proud to have gotten through the day. (If you’ve been reading about my experiences on Humira, you’ll know how happy this makes me)
I always get asked about my health at work, by customers and friends. And I am open and honest about it, I don’t sugar coat it. I might have some dodgy, horrible guts but that hasn’t changed me into a cynical, bitter person. If anything its made me more confident. I know exactly who I am. And anyone who doesn’t like that, or thinks its beyond comprehension, they can kindly jog on. If my attitude and personality make me ballsy and slightly egotistical, I don’t care. I’d rather be happy through small things than upset by everything.
– A special note to kathfanastic , for proving the inspiration for this post! She is a delight!