Mental Health

All posts under the umbrella of mental health

Two weeks and counting…

BLERGH but YAY This sums up how I feel right now. I’m looking forward to hopefully not being in this pain much longer but I am dreaded the lead up to the surgery date and what that morning will be like. Because its all new to me – being my first surgery and all – I’m really anxious. And apprehensive. It’s two weeks until my surgery. I’ve finally had all my paperwork for my pre op and my admission for the actual surgery. It’s come around fast. Faster than expected. Even though it was only a month away when I…

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Sunday; the night before

Feeling nervous about tomorrow’s appointment at the surgical clinic. Want to have it all booked and sorted so I know what I’m working towards this Summer but really dreaded it finally being in black and white. *** I know this is the best option right now. In fact, it’s sort of my only option right now. I’ve failed everything else, and even though the combination of biological drugs have made my colon better in the past twelve months, my terminal ileum is a mess. And it needs to come out so I can move forward; in so many ways! With…

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Just… *exhales and sighs*

I feel rotten today. I spent Tuesday afternoon onwards at my boyfriends house. I don’t spend alot of time there because of recent problems I’ve had with my Crohn’s, its easier to be at home. But we had a night and a day off together so decided to spend it together. And even though we have been together for almost 4 years now, I still don’t feel comfortable enough to just get up and walk to the loo and be gone, for sometimes ages; whenever he lives. Even when my Crohn’s is going through a good patch; which now definitely…

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Misery DOES NOT enjoy company

I am feeling utterly miserable today. I don’t know what has gotten into me, but I don’t feel happy at all. Maybe it’s the 4am wake up call my subconscious gave me this morning, the belly pain that started up soon after my eyes adjusted to the sun coming up, or even the denial of why I was awake at that time. It could be the lack of activities I have to do at work today. Or the feeling of this week dragging out and knowing the weekend will fly by, once again. But I just know I’m not a…

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Professional ‘help’; here we go again

… I sat there, in the unused doctors room, filling in paperwork with a counsellor. I pause before all the sentences, wondering where my stupid emotions fall on the scale of 0 to 5. I think about how bad I feel about who I am, how I behave and wonder if I will ever stop thinking and feeling so utterly negatively about myself. I think about how most of these thoughts have been since I got my crohnie butt out of hospital two years ago and went back into “life”. I think about how unfair this is all has been and how bleak…

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