Mental Health

All posts under the umbrella of mental health

Sometimes; it just hits you, hard

How long does it take you to accept something?  I’d be lying if I said I hadn’t be terrified to see my stoma. The first time I got to see it, I was high on morphine and was desperately trying to understand what was coming out of me and what I was attached to. PICC line? Check. PCA pump? Check. Catheter? Check. Abdominal drain? Check. Ostomy bag…? Check. I felt the outline of a bag underneath my gown, curious to see it but equally scared and nervous. How much of that was down to the drugs? How much of that feeling…

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Coming off “The Radar”

I’ve had Crohn’s disease for over five years now and I think in all those years I have never ever been off the departments radar. You know what I mean right? I’m always causing trouble. If its not for being in hospital on their ward, I am taking biological medication and they discuss me in their weekly MGT meetings. Sooner or later I become unstable so I am then discussed because my case is complex and complicated; they discuss possible new ideas and plans for me. I imagine once I was a surgical candidate – the first time around! – I was…

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2017 Goals

In 2016 I made a conscious effort to set myself realistic goals and hoped to hell that I could achieve them. I found that keeping goals helped me focus on something, especially when things got shitty and problematic. So I’ve set myself some specific health ordinated goals. These are things I wanted to achieve once I had recovered from my op in August and are focused around building myself and my life around my ostomy. Yes, it is that fundamental to who I am. But I wanted to also find things to work on, away from my health. These goals are: Be better…

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Grieving: Those Waves Don’t Stop

They “prep” you for surgery; you hear that a lot in the weeks and days leading up to an operation. Medically, you should be fit enough to withstand the trauma your body is going to under take. You should be aware of the potential dangers, prepare yourself for things to be different than what you’re expecting, what you’re thinking could happen; even if you’ve had surgery or this surgery before. What about mental preparation? Do the doctors ever prepare you for surgery? Apart from what I’ve mentioned above, how does anyone prepare for surgery? I was a novice to it all in May, there…

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ONE WEEK TO GO

Seven more days of having all my insides, still inside of me. Seven more days of this constant, terribly draining pain. Seven more days in this current chapter of my IBD life. I know surgery isn’t a magic or quick fix. I know I will be in pain afterwards, a different pain from the one I’m experiencing right now but I am hoping this will be controlled better and not be constant once I’m off painkillers. I know its a big deal for my body to be put through; the worst its been through is a flare up four years…

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