Today is a bad day. Spent most of last night between my bedroom and the bathroom. Woke up with no stomach pains but dry mouth and a headache. Now, the nausea is here, and my bloody tongue and taste buds are gone.
Tomorrow I go to the hospital for my first clinic appointment. I am so damn tired already. I just want this to be over. I want lots of days when I feel okay and normal and good. Its impossible though. My tablets take myself away from that. I know they help, I know they do, but I hate them. Hate them with a frigging passion. I despise getting up and taking them.
I am having to re train my brain and body to what is ‘normal’ and ‘acceptable’ bowel noises / movements and which ones are – quite frankly – not. The continuous, unrelenting pain; for one. Then the fact that pain almost always wakes me up in a cold sweat. And thirdly, being unable to safety ‘ignore’ it and switch my mind to something else. Learning this whilst alone, with company and at night are frustrating me and consuming all my energy.
My dad told me yesterday, that almost every time I phoned him whilst in hospital last month, he thought I was going to tell him they had found cancer in me. That was what was making me so ill, that is what they couldn’t find for a week, that was the thing that was going to keep me weak and fragile – so unlike I’d ever been – for much much longer. Thankfully, they didn’t find any and won’t find any. I am grateful for that, in its saving grace, but his words will stick with me for a while. […]
Every day is different. I think all I want is some consistency.
Crohn’s disease is an Inflammatory Bowel Disease (IBD) and can be confused with Colitis. In my large bowel, there are cysts of inflammation which cause my bowel lining to become irritated by certain foods. Because it has been untreated for the whole month I’ve been sick, my inflammation is very high. I take a number of drugs to help ‘put out the fire’. Steroids to remove the pain, Pentasa to keep the inflammation to a minimum and calcium tablets to help keep my bones strong (in reaction to the steroids I have to take). Each morning I take 40mg of […]
For me, a petite brunette from the Midlands, 2011 hasn’t exactly been the year of greatness it began with. Many things have gone ‘wrong’, we lost some family members, met new ones, spend more time than sense in hospital wards, and it seemed by the summer, it was far from over. It was my turn to face the facts of my life. I came down with food poisoning in the middle of August, shortly after my brother’s 21st birthday. I spend a week off work, hardly eating and drinking. My parents flew away on holiday so only me and brother […]